Idiot
by Guivana
Summary: When House finds an unpleasant gift on his desk, he's determined to find out who's responsible.


"You're an idiot."

Foreman glanced up long enough to register the sight of an annoyed Greg House limping into the room, before he lost interest and his gaze dropped back to the newspaper in his lap. He filled in one of the answers on his crossword puzzle, then tapped the pencil idly on the conference table as he considered the answer for the next clue. "What?" he asked after a moment, realizing that House was glaring at him.

"This," House responded, and he held up a small box. He shook it slightly for emphasis, a muffled rattle sounding as he did so.

Foreman raised an eyebrow. "I'm an idiot because you have a box."

House gave the neurologist a withering look. "You're an idiot because you left this on my desk."

Foreman rolled his eyes. "I don't know what that is, and judging by your mood, I don't want to. Whatever it is, you probably have one of your team to blame. They're the ones you were yelling at yesterday."

House eyed Foreman suspiciously before turning on his heel and wordlessly stalking out of the door. Foreman shook his head and returned to his crossword puzzle.

--

"You're an idiot."

Kutner frowned in bewilderment as House blocked his path with his cane. "What'd I do?"

"You left this on my desk," House responded contemptuously, displaying a small box. Kutner's frown deepened.

"...No I didn't."

"Don't play dumb with me," House responded. He whacked Kutner's knee as the younger doctor tried to duck under his cane.

"Ow!" He rubbed his knee and glared at House. "Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but whatever it is, it wasn't me. Can I please go run the lab tests on the patient's blood now?" House rolled his eyes and withdrew his cane, stalking off down the hall. Kutner watched him for a moment before continuing on his way.

--

"You're an idiot."

Thirteen blinked as House strode up to her, waving a small box accusingly as he approached her.

"What's that?" She asked, nodding to the object in the older doctor's hand.

"Like you don't know," House replied, crossing his arms. "You're the one who put it on my desk."

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "I'm pretty sure I'd remember if I had. Why do you think it was me?"

"Because you're pissed that I yelled at you yesterday," House replied simply. She smiled, much to House's annoyance.

"It's something bad, isn't it?"

House frowned. "It wasn't you."

"Nope."

House sighed in disgust, leaving Thirteen to finish the stress test she was performing.

--

"You're an idiot."

Taub groaned as he turned to the doorway, his eyes falling upon a disgruntled House. "Do you mind?" He gestured with his head to the young woman who was sitting on the exam table.

"You didn't seem to mind leaving me this," House shot back, pulling a small box from his pocket.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that _this_--" he paused for emphasis as he held up the box-- "was sitting on my desk this morning, and you're the one who put it there."

"What is it?" asked the woman on the exam table, leaning in for a closer look.

"None of your business," House snapped, dropping it back into his pocket. He turned back to Taub. "So, gonna 'fess up?"

"I have no idea what it is or where it came from," Taub answered, shrugging helplessly. "Now, would you mind letting me finish here?"

"He's a one-minute wonder," House said to the woman, smirking at her appalled expression as he exited the room.

--

"You're an idiot." Lisa Cuddy recoiled slightly as a small object was thrown onto her desk.

"Great, just what I need," she muttered, rubbing her temples as House planted his palms onto her desk. "What is it this time? Some inappropriate comment about my clothing today?"

House shrugged. "Well, I'd be lying if I said that you didn't have to be a midget to see up that skirt." His expression hardened and he continued, "But I want to know why exactly you left this on my desk today." He gestured to the box, still laying atop the desk.

"No idea what game this is, but I'm not interested in playing." She began to stood, then paused. "What is this, anyway?" she asked, reaching towards the box. House snatched it up before she could grab it.

"If you don't know, you don't need to." With that, he stormed out of the room. Cuddy simply shrugged before returning to her paperwork.

--

"You're an idiot."

Cameron jumped, startled by the voice in her ear, but continued taping down gauze on the leg of the patient in front of her. "I'm a little busy, House," she said not looking back.

He tapped her on the shoulder and she yelped, turning to glare at him. "Care to explain this?" he asked, presenting a small box.

"No idea," she responded, shaking her head as she turned back to the patient.

"Really? Because I think you're the one who left it on my desk this morning."

Cameron didn't respond, and the only sign that she heard him was a very audible sigh. She stood as she finished treating the wound.

"Leave her alone." House turned to see Chase approaching. "C'mon, let's grab lunch." The Australian doctor grabbed Cameron's hand, and the two began heading out.

"Was it you?" House called after Chase.

"No," came the answer. Chase didn't look back as he responded.

Grumbling to himself, House limped away.

--

"Why so glum?" House glared as Wilson joined him on his way to the cafeteria.

"Just some moron trying to be funny," House answered, shrugging. "Someone left a box on my desk."

"Box?" Wilson echoed curiously.

House pulled the small object out from his pocket, showing it to Wilson. "Guess what's inside it."

Wilson eyed the box for a moment before shaking his head, laughing softly.

"What?"

"It's Midol," Wilson managed between laughs.

"It was you!" House accused, halting. Wilson stopped a step later. "Why?"

Wilson was near hysterical at this point, and it took him several moments to calm down. Tears had formed in the corners of his eyes. "It wasn't for you. Amber was supposed to get it. I must have left it there by mistake this morning when I stopped to pick up that file you left for me. I've been looking for it."

House stared at him. "I spent all day trying to figure out who put it there, and you're telling me it was an accident?"

Wilson paused, eying House. "You thought someone left it there as a joke, didn't you?" House didn't respond. Wilson shook his his in wonderment. "You know, sometimes, I can't help thinking you're an idiot."

"Shut up."


End file.
